REALLY??

You know that SNL skit, Weekend Update? You know the bit called: REALLY?? With Seth and Amy? I love that bit (and all of Weekend Update) because it is so true. For example: General Motors flew private jets to request a bailout. REALLY?

This weekend I had a few of those moments…so, here’s my (written) attempt at REALLY?? With Nuckelbery:

When I was checking out at my local ShopKo, the grungy teenager helping me was going a tad slow but hey, it’s ShopKo. I give him my cash and as he is typing it into the register he reaches into his back pocket and fetches his cell phone. Still clutching my cash in his right hand, he flips open his cell phone and TEXTS with his left hand. He sent a freaking text message in the middle of my transaction. REALLY?

I was perusing the shoes at the Nordstrom Rack when I heard a very loud banging. I could see some baby legs swinging in and out of view in the next aisle over and I could tell it was a child banging his feet against the shopping cart. His (grandmother?) in the darkest, thickest eyeliner I have ever seen pushes him and her cart into my aisle. The kid is still banging his feet, and he is also reaching for shit on the shelves. As they pass me, he reaches for (on purpose) and slaps, my left breast! Open mouthed and shocked I stare after them as they continue to push on by and (grandma?) says, “that was not nice! you say sorry to that lady right now!” but, they’re now turning the corner…REALLY?

An adorable little girl about 5 years old is in the car part of those really cool shopping carts/cars that I wish existed when I was a kid. As I am bending down to snag some turmeric off the bottom row of the spices (yeah, I was buying turmeric, I know, I sound so cool) the little girl whispers, “psssst, psssst!” and I look over and she waves and whispers, “hi!”. I wave and whisper back and am all caught up in the adorableness of it all. As I begin to stand back up to leave I smile at her and she tugs on my jacket and says “wait! wait!” she then motions for me to lean down and she whispers, “I love you.” I smile and stand up to face a rather unkempt, obese (grandmother?) who is simultaneously talking rather loudly on her cell phone and giving me a look that says, “what the hell were you just doing down there with my child?” I say, “your child was just telling me that she loves me.” The woman gives me a smile and a shrug that says, “oh, kids!” and goes on blabbing on the phone. Not ten minutes later I pass them again in a different aisle and hear (grandma?) totally yelling at the adorable little girl and getting all chicken head saying, “what did I telllll you about that? I told you not to talk to people that way!” And the little girl is looking down at her hands saying “I'm sorry, I'm sorry”. Really? Your little girl made the day of a childless 20 something out for some turmeric and your screaming at her? REALLY?