The First Pangs of a Love You've Never Known

Nearly all of the women in my life who are mothers (biological or otherwise) have told me that the love I will feel for my baby will be like no other love I can imagine. I've even been told that I will love my baby more than my husband.

While I knew this was most likely true (maybe not the 'more than my husband' part), I certainly didn't think I'd feel it while pregnant. Until last week.

Sure I've "loved" the little bugger growing inside me. I've loved the thought of holding her, smelling her, caressing and feeding her. Once we found out we were having a girl, that love definitely intensified. But I wouldn't say it was a 'love I've never known'. But last week, while I was driving into work the song "Ho Hey" came on. I love this song and so I started singing it and dancing in my seat and playing my belly like a drum. I was telling Livie that the song was Bob and Steph's song and that one day she'll meet them. She started to move like she normally does when I play music (or play my belly like a drum). Then I noticed the words I was singing:

"I belong with you, you belong with me your my sweet-heart!"

Olivia literally belongs with me. She is inside my belly. I am housing her, feeding her, keeping her warm. When she arrives Jim will share those responsibilities with me. She will belong to us and we will belong to her in a manner that is different than the way we belong to each other. Was this the love?

Holy shit! What an amazing feeling.

Two days after this astonishing moment I had a terrifying one. Jim was in line for a movie on the sidewalk outside the theater. As I made my way toward him I hit some black ice and slipped. I landed hard on my knee and was on my back before I knew it. Jim came running over and lifted me off the ground. He kept asking if I was OK and all I could say was, "did I fall on my belly?" I knew I fell on my knee and ended up on my back but how did I get from knee to back?? Once we entered the theater Jim asked again if I was OK? Again I said, "did I fall on my belly?" He said he didn't think so. But I couldn't feel her moving! We stood at our seats for several moments as I held back tears and we both had our hands on my belly willing Olivia to move. We must have been a site. She finally moved. It wasn't until about half way into the film that I calmed down. Was this the love too?

I love my parents; I love them like I love no other parents because they are MY parents. I love my siblings; I love them like I love no other siblings. I love my husband in a manner that I love no one else. And here was this brand new love that I truly have never known before.

I am still so emotional about it.

I know I will be for the rest of my life.

What People Don't Tell you About Pregnancy: The NSFH (not safe for husbands) Edition

Still enjoying pregnancy. Still reserve the right to say it blows in a few weeks as I get bigger and bigger…

But, here are a few things that no one tells you about pregnancy that are, um, gross.

So Jim: don't keep reading…or you, dad.

1. People DO tell you that you are warmer when baking a baby. And in the summer, I am sure that translates quite literally. But in the winter, that translates to: you are piping hot in the 'areas' your baby occupies. Need me to spell it out? From your breasts to your groin you are h-o-t. So you are sweaty. So my no-showers-on-weekends policy is out the door. Get it? 

2. Big boobs aren't ALL they are cracked up to be. I love my larger chest. Really. In fact, for the first time in my adult life I have NO desire to get breast implants. But, see number 1 above. Big boobs sweat! Holy cow! 

3. Shaving is very, very hard to do. Ok, so people do tell you this one but, I never got the sense it was this hard. My legs are hopeless. Bending over is quite uncomfortable at this point so shaving is best done in the bath. Who has time for a bath? Shaving one's nether regions is also very difficult. You can't see down there, and that is kind of scary.

4. You pee when you laugh too hard! I heard that this is a symptom of the postpartum hoo-ha but I didn't know that it would happen while the child is still inside me!

5. You fart. Audibly. I've never been a very gassy person so musical farts and burps were never something that I could brag about. But out of nowhere I pass gas! Being a sixth grade teacher, I am rarely ever blamed so that has been great!

Ladies, what else am I missing?

Airport Travel Reminders From a Frustrated Pregnant Lady

I know it's the holiday season. I know I am nearly 7 months pregnant. I also know that because of the aforementioned, I have moved from the "speedy traveller" group to the "needs extra time" group. That said, I feel it is necessary (and perhaps will be entertaining to you) to mention a few general rules that most decent people follow when traveling...as I sit awaiting an indefinitely delayed flight to Little Rock:

1. If you are moving slowly, try, for the love of Pete, to walk in a straight line. I understand that seasoned, quick travelers (like I used to be) can weave in and out of the crowd and usually do so without annoying the hell out of everyone else. But slow movers, it would be great if we all walked in a straight line so that quicker folks can get passed us without having to guess which way we are going to veer next. Also, bonus points for staying to the right hand side.

2. If the check-in line is long, please take a look at your surroundings before you place yourself at the end of that line. If it is clear that you and your travel companions, or you and your ginormous luggage or just you are going to take up the last bit of space between the line and the WALL OF THE AIRPORT, please take a moment to bend the line. You know, pick right or left and have the line start snaking in that direction.

3. DO NOT GO THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR UNTIL YOUR CRAP IS INSIDE THE X-RAY! This infuriates me. I am not going to push your stuff through for you.

4. If you chose to wear a belt or thigh high boots or 500 pieces of jewelry, please collect your things and hobble over to a designated area to put your stuff back on.

5. Do not get all up in my space as soon as the seatbelt sign is off. I know the drill. I will stand up and move into the aisle once the few rows in front of me start to deplane. I am not into standing hunched over (pregnant or not) for 15 minutes just to make sure no one behind me gets off before me.

6. If you see an obviously pregnant woman who is obviously struggling to get her luggage into the overhead bin or, to bend down and pick up her boarding pass that fell out of her pocket, please help her! Zero people offered to help me. I understand that I should be able to do all of this myself (and I did!) but it would have been really, really nice if someone had offered a little push instead of staring at me.