Waking Up at Your Own Funeral

My father in law was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last summer.  Since then Jim and I have made several trips back east to help out with the care and general morale of the new situation.  Not many people can say they got so intimately and beautifully close with their new in-laws in the year after they got married. Not many people can say they lost their new dad a year after legally gaining him.

A few weeks ago Mike’s situation got worse. He was in a lot of pain and it became apparent that the treatment was no longer working. We rushed home to be with him during what we thought would be his last hours. Two days into our stay a seemingly rejuvenated Mike woke up and asked what all the fuss was about. He was upbeat and relatively pain free and gave us the chance to spend some quality time with him.

So many of us were there as he slept those first few days. We’d take turns sitting beside him, holding his hand, administering his pain medication and speaking soothingly. In the background we were feasting on stuffed flounder made by Jim’s amazing uncle and sipping on the aged whiskey we bought Mike for father’s day. We’d laugh and tell Mike his Eagles were winning as he came to every few hours. As he gained strength and realized the severity of the situation, he called old friends, told us he loved us and laughed with us as we always do when we are together.

My mother in law said it was like Mike woke up at his own funeral. And it was. How awesome is that? Like many of us, I’ve wondered what my funeral will be like. Will it be packed? Will there be lots of fun memories being shared? Will folks be laughing as much as they are crying?

I honestly believe Mike was able to truly grasp the love and sadness, but also the state of reverie that was around him that weekend. As I said goodbye to him I gave him a letter telling him that should this be the last time I see him, I’d like him to know the reasons I am grateful for knowing him.

I won’t go into its entirety here, this is supposed to be a happy post. But I will say this: Mike has taught me that being a good person is truly one of the only things that matters in this life. Mike and Pam spent their lives being compassionate, spiritual and humble. They always gave to others as well as took care of each other. And it paid off.

Since last August Mike and Pam haven’t had to mow their lawn. They’ve rarely spent a day alone. They’ve received countless meals and baked goods from dear friends. They’ve been prayed for each and every Sunday in many different types of churches. They’ve been at the forefront of hundreds of minds.

This is not to say that the sole purpose of being a good person is so that you are taken care of in your time of need…although that is a damn good reason. I think that being a good person genuinely makes you a happy person.

Mike was a deeply spiritual man and  he was very content knowing he was going home to God. So, if all goes to plan, he is more than likely fishing or hunting or watching football in the sky…

I love you, Mike. Thanks for being in my life and raising an amazing man that I get to call my husband.